Things I'll Never Say
by bluemacaroons
Summary: A sixth year James wants to tell Lily how he really feels, but maybe some things are easier said than others. T for mild language. One-shot


By the end of the 1976/1977 school year at Hogwarts Witchcraft and Wizardry, students of all years and all social status were no strangers to the unfortunately public and infamous fights between the one James Potter and Lily Evans. The night of July 21, the night before the students left on the Hogwarts Express for summer holidays, was no exception, to the dismay of many of Lily and James' peers.

As per usual, it started out by the aforementioned James Potter asking Lily Evans out on a date, something, though he resented to admit, he did often, much too often as his best mate Sirius Black would say. But instead of Lily reacting as she usually did, with a quick shut down and possibly a hex depending on her mood, she did something that even surprised herself; she responded civilly. Well, as civil as one can be when it comes to matters concerning Mr. James Potter.

"What's your deal, Potter?" The redhead asked in reply to the date proposal ("Summer holidays starts tomorrow, Evans. Lots of time to get to know each other if you know what I mean. What do you say?"), in a very tired sounding manner, throwing her hands up as if in defeat.

This comment took James slightly aback. True, he did have a knack for acting like more of a twat then he already is when she was around, but he hardly thought that was what he meant.

"Sorry Evans, but I think you're going to have to elaborate on that." Is what he said, shooting her what he meant to be a charming smile but probably turned out to look like an evil grin.

"I mean," She continued sounding further frustrated, eyebrows knit together. "Why do you keep on insisting on asking me out when it's obvious I'll say no? Is it some sort of bet you have with the rest of your friends? How long will it take for James Potter to successfully woo all the girls in our year? Because if I hadn't made it obvious enough before, this is _really_ getting on my nerves."

James did listen, he really did. He was just more preoccupied with how beautiful she looked when she had the glimmer of growing anger and frustration in her green eyes. That, of course, would be something he would never tell her if he valued his life, or at least his more… Manly parts.

"Did you really just use the term 'woo'?" He said instead of assuring her that there was no bet and his feelings for her were in fact as real as they could be, after which he would surprise her with a grand gesture like conjuring up dozens of her favourite flowers and magically playing her favourite song from that muggle band she was always talking about, which would ultimately result in Lily kissing him passionately and then the two of them would ride off into the sunset on his latest edition Nimbus broomstick. But that's just another thing he'll never say, or rather do in this case.

Reviving himself from his mini-daydream, he saw Lily giving him a completely blank look, before giving a typical Lily Evans sigh that seemed to last ten minutes before turning away and heading down the corridor, only pausing to look back at him and tell him, "You're impossible,".

James jogged after her, naturally. "I know I'm impossible," he said once he caught up to her, causing her to stumble slightly in surprise, but not halting in her way down hall. She was looking at him, eyes slightly wide and slightly suspicious. It looked like she was going to say something, but of course, James cut in and finished what he was planning on saying, "Impossibly good looking that is." He shot her a cocky smirk and winked at her. Lily's expression went back to a frown as she rolled her eyes and picked up her pace, leaving James a few steps behind her.

"I can't believe you James Potter," She said angrily. "Sixteen years old and still behaving like a pre-pubescent brat! Honestly, if it wasn't enough that you haven't stopped pestering me since first year but you strut around the castle like you own the place! Well news flash for you Potter, this isn't Mummy and Daddy's mansion and you need to stop acting like it is!" She finished with a huff, arriving into a slightly crowded Entrance Hall, stopping abruptly to face him.

Feeling the eyes of other students turning to the two Gryffindors, James ran his hand through his hair, ruffling it slightly, a bad habit that Lily happened to find ridiculously annoying, but James didn't mind as long as it made her look at him, even if she was glaring. This, as usual, was another thing that he planned on leaving unsaid.

"I do not strut," James started frowning slightly. "And you call me impossible but you never consider that you yourself are much the same. Only I'm slightly better looking." He finished with his trade mark smirk.

"For Merlin's sake!" Lily exclaimed, raising her voice slightly.

"Okay, okay, you're the better looking one but only by a bit." He knew that was probably a bad move, but he just wouldn't be James Potter if he actually _didn't_ make an arse of himself in front of Lily Evans.

"Will you stop?" Lily exclaimed, poking his chest with her finger with each word. "I'm so fed up with all this meaningless flattery and you're constant flirting with me and asking me out! You want me to tell your friends that you snogged me or something? Then whatever stupid situation you've created will be over and you'll leave me alone?" She was almost shouting now and the students who were pretending not to be eaves dropping before, had given up the act and were openly staring.

James, of course, started to laugh. To him, the whole situation seemed ridiculous; that his friends were betting with him on when he could be with every girl in their year, or that his constant chasing after Lily was something other than his irrationally strong feelings for her. He found it amusing, because of course his friends would pay him to stop pinning after Lily and 'just get on with his life' as it had been so indelicately put before. He wished he could straight out tell Lily, in all seriousness, that his feelings were genuine, but that was one of the things he had accepted long ago that he would never say.

"You're a daft cow, Evans." He said instead. Feeling in a very different mood he did when he had started their little spat, he gave her one last look that he hoped didn't look desperate and made his way through the small crowd that had gathered around the two of them and out the doors and onto the grounds.

The thing about James Potter was that he never felt in control of himself when he was standing anywhere near Lily Evans. Her presence was like a cloud to his judgement and he ended up acting on impulse, and trying to be impressive when he knew, and so did she, that he was just being a git.

He wished he could just be straight with her; tell her that he actually did care for her. That he could even see a future together for them, kids, a charming house, the last thing any teenage boy would be thinking about when it came to a girl they were attracted to.

It was so stupid, he would lament, that he couldn't even go up to her and be normal. How hard should it be to tell someone that you always want to be with them and you want to hold them and protect them from all the evil in the world, or at least just tell them you want to be in their company without being glared at, maybe even a smile or two once in a while.

In truth, James knew it wasn't hard, he had seen people do it; one of his fellow Chasers on the Gryffindor Quidditch team, Frank Longbottom who had been in love with his soon-to-be fiancée as long as James had been chasing Lily. It was just him, James would tell himself. He was just a git and that was that. He could say everything he so desperately wanted to say, but he never did.

In the end, they were just more things he would never say.

**A/N: Oh hush its three a.m and I just wanted to get this out. It started out kind of light and turned more angsty toward the end but isn't that just teenage hormones in a nut shell?**

**Prompted from a lovely prompt generator you can find a link to on my profile. Loosely inspired by Avril Lavigne's 'Things I'll Never Say'. **

**Leave a review, it would be much appreciated! (: **

**-Mac**


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